When everyone's lives look better than yours

Australia is contemplating a ban of social media access to children under 16. If I had the power, I would consider raising the age limit to 19 in India. I don’t mind if I’m called a ‘boomer aunt’ or ‘cringe boomer’. Social media can push vulnerable youth into a cycle of envy and self-doubt , as they try to imitate the seemingly exuberant lives of their friends — demanding new gadgets, clothes, or lavish experiences, even resorting to blackmailing their parents.

FOMO — Fear of Missing Out — is real and potent. It drives people to take unnecessary risks, like posing on dangerous cliffs or snapping selfies with wild animals.

I recently visited a women’s college for a linguistic programme, where the lecturers poured their hearts out to me. No, those were not older teachers prejudiced against a tech-savvy younger generation. It was their emotional agony of being passive observers when wards were attempting self-destruction.

A teacher from the Tamil department lamented how some students who once focused on their studies were now consumed by social media’s allure. “It’s envy that transforms these good-natured students,” she said.

At first, I was sceptical — could mere social media usage trigger such intense envy?

Envious of those who post Instagram stories about their love affairs and dates, some vulnerable girls end up accepting dubious romantic proposals. If the teachers intervened, they were threatened or even thrashed by the boys concerned on some occasions.

One lecturer shared the story of a first-year student from a poor background, who initially brimmed with intelligence and promise. But once social media addiction took hold, she started skipping classes and would disappear as soon as her father dropped her off at the gate. When the teachers confronted her, she simply presented a forged medical certificate. She admitted she wasn’t ashamed of lying to her parents as long as her friends felt she was also capable of having a romantic partner.

That confession — tinged with envy and desire for validation — was chilling.

Social media platforms, I realised, make money by kindling the oldest and darkest human emotions - envy. The first murder, according to the Bible, was when Cain killed his brother Abel, out of jealousy.

In Hindu theology, envy is one of the six enemies of the soul — maathsaryam. Unlike other enemies like lust, anger, or greed, envy doesn’t fade with age. It lingers, persecuting the soul. As William Penn wisely observed, “The jealous are a trouble to others but a torment to themselves.”

How can we teach our children that Instagram posts are mere façades, not reflections of real life? The holiday that looks perfect in photos may have been a disaster. The friend flaunting a luxury handbag may be carrying a counterfeit. We must help them learn to appreciate their own journey, to see strength in themselves instead of fixating on the mirages.

Poet Kannadasan offers a remedy for envy: “Think of the crores of people who are below you. Fill your heart with gratitude.” Thiruvalluvar, too, warns that nurturing envy within is worse than having enemies. Even if no external foe harms you, the envy in your heart will.

Azhukaaru Udayavarkku Adhusaalum Onnaar

Vazhukaayum kedu Eenbadhu

Envy they have within! Enough to seal their fate!

Though foes fail, envy can ruin.

Social media may be an unavoidable part of modern life, but it’s critical we teach the younger generation that reel is not real. Gratitude and self-worth are the antidotes to envy. If we nurture these qualities, no ‘green-eyed monster’ can conquer us.